In this episode, I reflect on a past habit of buying clothes that were too small, hoping to lose weight quickly—an approach that never worked. This would discourage me from going out into the community and enjoying myself. It was a behavior I frequently revisited, and I did it again recently. However, as I continue to grow in self-awareness, I recognize that this behavior no longer serves me. I don't judge myself for it; I simply observe. This gives me the opportunity to make a choice to move forward. This time, I succeeded by choosing to buy a dress that fit and going out to enjoy myself.
I also reflect on the first time I decided to go out on a Friday night. I went as a driver with my church to take the kids roller skating. My son was a teenager at the time, and it felt good to chaperone and participate with my fellow church brothers and sisters. What helped me was doing small things, one at a time, and gradually building the inner strength to keep going.
I remember sitting on my couch, hoping to meet someone who could help me. At the time, I was focused on watching The Oprah Winfrey Show, captivated by how Oprah seemed to help so many people. Eventually, I realized that even if I met Oprah, she couldn't do the work for me. I had to do it myself. My socialization, which emphasized respecting titles and positions, had blinded me to the people right next to me. I began to get to know those around me, fostering connection and building community.
This journey has been driven by a natural sense of curiosity and compassion—a desire to share information I wish I had known when, at 23, I reached out for help and was labeled and drugged after sharing my story. Since then, I’ve learned from many people engaged in transformational mental health work. For example, you can check out the online annual festival A Disorder 4 Everyone on November 8, 2024.
I also learned from Dr. Paula J. Caplan’s daughter, Emily, that Paula appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show. As I continue to grow, doing work I'm passionate about and finding my purpose, I meet people who have tirelessly worked to improve humanity. It’s not about titles—it’s about seeing the person right next to you and recognizing that everyone is worthy and that we all matter. We can begin again at any time, simply by starting where we are.
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