It's not just about the weight I've lost; it's about everything I've gained. My awareness, confidence, connections, empathy, compassion, forgiveness, kindness, humanity, and awareness of my divinity. Knowledge and wisdom to pass down. It's not about the heavy body weight but the heavy spirit, and working out the spiritual allows a lightness in our minds that energizes our physical bodies.
I offer a glimpse of the possibilities of human resilience by sharing my story authentically. You will witness nearly twenty years of documented videos! I have over thirty-three years of lived experience, twenty years using mental health services, and over thirteen years learning, advocating, educating, and supporting diverse individuals through their personal and professional development. As a facilitator of change, I empathize with the challenges of reflecting on life experiences, making everyday changes, focusing on spiritual, mental, and emotional well-being, and realizing passion that turns into purpose. What weighed me down wasn't the visible heavy body weight, which is like the top of the iceberg; it was the heavy spirit beneath it all, like the bottom of the iceberg.
You may have seen those before and after pictures of people losing weight and gaining their fifteen minutes of fame. That is what encouraged me to start documenting myself. If you're anything like me, you've tried everything and turned over every rock, looking for the consistency and discipline necessary to achieve that kind of success. That was my question—no one was showing me how, but I knew I would succeed and wanted to show how I accomplished my goal.
I appreciate that you joined me on this journey. You'll learn the benefits and power of looking within, answering the hard questions, and gaining awareness of how everyday little things bring insight, consistency, and discipline needed to be successful. However, we need support that sees us as whole, not broken—support that helps to bring the light out from within us. That is what true teaching is. Understand that it's more than a physical human experience; it's a soul’s journey, and you have the power to navigate your life circumstances!
Episode One
I chose the videos in episode one because they represent what most of my almost twenty years of therapy and medication revolved around: my kids, eating, the American dream, and writing a book. I now understand that writing a book was about not wanting to live in secrecy about what happened to me. I didn't have the words back then, but now I know that the veil of shame disconnected me from my spiritual journey to live in the present moment and my physical journey to feel joy from within and practice the self-care needed to live fully. Episode one shares the things I was stuck on.
I had the idea to document myself to share my weight loss journey and experiences at the time. I asked my friend Luther Blackwell, Jr. to film me, and he agreed. During one of the tapings, I was lying on the couch trying to get back to sleep because I wanted him to film my daily life, which was mostly sleeping and eating. After some time, he asked me to act out some phone scenarios. He told me he saw me having a one-woman show. I was nowhere near confident enough for that and told him the thought gave me an adverse reaction. However, the scenarios I acted out were real situations happening in my life.
Revisiting the tapes from 2007, I can now say where I am. Progress has been made regarding eating, getting up, my daughter (discussed in the video), my connections and disconnections to people, and learning that respect is the minimum.
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